its soft edge might cut you

Part two of Chapter Three. Part One can be found here.

( Jim walked into his quarters at 14:45 and began to make his way over to his desk. )
Chapter 3A | Chapter 4A

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes: Yes, the kiss Jim and Bones had last chapter is supposed to look like this. I’m sorry but I love that photo and I’m super happy to borrow it for this story.

Yes, tumblr still exists in the future. I mean the people in Starfleet have to get their macros from somewhere, don’t they?

Spot the X-Men reference, win a prize. The next big thing I’m going to write is a giant X-Men/Trek reboot fusion (hint: the Shi’ar are involved. Not the Brood, though, those things are fucking gross. Someone else can have that idea, or just write an Aliens crossover since that’s what Claremont ripped off based the Brood on, because Jesus.)

I also realize that planning a huge wedding in two days is probably impossible but I’m handwaving it in that it’s the future and Starfleet has tons of financial resources and oh by the way there’s a water park on the Enterprise. Seriously, with fancy technology and a shitton of money, you can do just about anything.

Chush' sobach'ya means bullshit in Russian. Just, you know, so you’re not all going “wait what?”

The stipulation that people can’t give medical information out over communicator is a combination of something I noticed in TOS and current HIPAA laws. I realize that in TOS Bones always tells everyone everything to their faces because of Rule of Drama, but in real life you can’t give a person detailed test results over the phone because well...how do you know they’re who they say they are? Or rather I should say, they’re really not supposed to give it out over the phone. Generally they’re limited is what I’m getting at here. The Medical code about telling the Captain and the CMO something if it presents a danger to the rest of the crew I’ve completely pulled out of my ass, I mean if one of your crew members has a fever that could cause him to brutally murder someone else on your ship, you should probably know about that in advance, just saying. Or you know, the ebola virus or whatever.

Speaking of, my information about how neruotransmitters including serotonin work comes straight from the textbook “Exploring Psychology in Modules: Eighth Edition,” by David G. Meyers. I can’t say why that’s relevant until the big reveal, but if you look up a certain something that comes out in this chapter on Memory Alpha you’ll see why serotonin’s important. I am not a neuroscientist, but I am a psychology major so take that as you will.

I am neither clever nor awesome for naming the Starfleet military prison Foucault. I freely admit this. At least it’s not something as obvious as Alcatraz!

Eneh hwau' kllhwnia na imirrhlhhse is a Romulan obscenity. What’s the point of being a linguist if you can’t hurl epithets in other languages? Sadly, the Romulan dictionary does not specify what obscenity. I like to think it’s a truly colorful one, like “your mother was caught giving fellatio to a goat while her priest watched last Tuesday.” It’s probably obvious at this point that I don’t take much seriously. This includes my own fanfiction.

This chapter was split into two parts due to length. There is a link at the bottom to the second half.

( The next morning, Jim woke up tangled up in the sheets and Bones’ arms. )

Chapter Two | Chapter Three B

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter notes: “La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid,” is the original French for the phrase “revenge is a dish best served cold.” Yes, that was originally French. Fun fact: it has been first attributed to Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderios de LaClos in Les Liaisons Dangereuses. However, no one can really back that up. Sorry Tarantino, it’s French, not Klingon.

You know, it occurs to me that I never told you guys who I cast as my Chapel. In my head, she’s played by Chuck’s Yvonne Strahovski. She’s incredibly hot, but, more importantly, every week she lays the smack down as a covert C.I.A op. She is totally my head!Chapel.

Did you know the Federation has no Geneva Convention? I know this, because I researched that shit for days. There is, however, Article 14 Section 31 that gives Starfleet officers the rights to essentially throw the rulebook out the window in “extraordinary circumstances.” There is no official wording for what this entails, believe me, I’ve looked. But that is the Article 14 Jim and Julien reference in this story. And yes this is another fic where I had to google everything ever for. Someday I’ll be able to write without research again. Today? Is not that day.

I feel I should warn you guys that I have literally four pages of just author's notes for this story. I don't have a final word count yet, as I'm still working on Chapter Six, but man when I do I'll post it. Suffice to say, it's long.

( Leonard McCoy was quiet as he walked through the quarters he shared with Jim early the next morning. )


Chapter One | Chapter Three A

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days)
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Stark Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.
Notes: So this is it. The final multi-part story in the water park 'verse. It is bigger, longer, and crazier than any of the others. There are weddings and terrorists and candy and sex and illness and memos and Pike and spies and, most of all, adventure.

The title is from the Blur featuring Françoise Hardy song. “We've been drinking far too much, and neither of us quite mean what we say.” I think that sums up some permutation of every conceivable pairing in this fandom. Search your feelings, you know this to be true.

This story begins on Kirk and Bones one-year mark, which is three months give or take since “Jackie Wilson Said.” The usual pairing suspects are all present, with the one new addition.

The formatting for Kirk's memo comes from this website. My friend who is actually in the Navy (faoi_cheilt ;_;) assures me that it's accurate. Thanks go as always to her, inugrlrayn, and cryogenia for their support, betaing, general hand-holding, and necessary criticism.

Chapel being six courses short of her M.D. comes from the TOS movies where she is not only Dr. Christine Chapel, but a CMO in her own right. It's hard to finish school when you get recruited into being a spy, don't'cha know?

The song that Jim uses is “Ball and Biscuit” by The White Stripes. This is one of the hottest songs ever, so there.

Yes, I am using Lieutenant Marla McGivers. According to Memory Alpha, she is a control systems specialist in addition to being ship's historian. (Which explains why the red and not blue, because that always frankly bugged me. Librarians get blue, why not historians?) And no, there is no Khan Noonien Singh in this fic. Because I don't like him. (I'm probably going to get booed for that. But seriously, all the villains they had and he gets the sequel movie? He was boring.) Anyways for the purposes of this story, imagine her as being played by Emma Stone.

Yes, Dr. Sylvester's first name is Sue. Could you imagine having her be your doctor? I mean, people think McCoy's bad. “YOU THINK THAT’S HARD? TRY LIVING WITH HEPATITIS, THAT’S HARD.” “...Hepatitis is what I came in here for. :C” “Shut up! ::hyposprays::”

The part of Julien de Maupassant will be played by Vincent Cassel. The man had me at Le Pacte des Lupes/Brotherhood of the Wolf, dude. Hot. Even hotter? He and Chris Pine arguing passionately with each other while separated only by the thin forcefieldy-wall of the brig cells. Yes, you can all thank me for that mental image. I am awesome. Related: go see Black Swan. Because it is a beautifully shot, wonderfully acted film, and Vincent Cassel is wonderful in it.

I may have also given Jim Chris Pine's hatred of the paparazzi. Oops?

This fanfic is dedicated to loreamara and her recently deceased cat, Julien, for whom Julien de Maupssant was named. I know it doesn't bring him back, sweetheart, but it's the only thing I can do. <3

( It begins with a memo. )

Chapter Two

Title: Make Me Strong (Yeah, You Make Me Bold)
Series: Star Trek XI: Waterpark vs. the World
Rating: NC-17 (woo!)
Disclaimer: I'm really bad about remembering to post those. Anyways, I own nothing associate with Star Trek. The only thing I can take credit for? The sheets.
Summary: Bones likes Jim in blue. The problem is, he didn't realize quite how much.
Notes: So. I had a dream the other night. In this dream, Bones bought himself and Jim sapphire blue sheets because he wanted to see them against Jim’s body. And I’m supposed to be working on the epic wedding fic, but damn if that thought just would not leave me the fuck alone. I also realized I wrote this entire long thing about Jim falling in love with Bones, but I have yet to explain when Bones fell in love with Jim.

So this is me, writing unrepentant porn where Bones discovers his feelings and shoehorning it into my water park verse for no other reason than the simple fact that I can.

Oh whatever, like any of you will complain.

Yes, the title is taken from "Like a Virgin." Shut up. It was either that or some sort of terrible pun involving the color blue, be thankful I went with this. Also I have to share that I got smacked with how well it fits them during the “Power of Madonna” episode of Glee. If I could pull off songfics, you bet your ass I’d have written that. Jim's love totally thawed out what was scared and cold. Or something.

This one is pretty much the Kirk and McCoy show, with a surprise appearance by surprise Scotty because I realized that Bones and Scotty have exchanged, like, a sentence in all of the things I’ve written. And that just ain't right. This takes place in between "You Can Save That Drama (For Another Day)" and the epilogue of "Stop (The Love You Save.)"

( Read more... )

And now I am off to my first day of college! dgsjgdajhgdsjhadhjahsjadshjdajdajsh

Title: Jackie Wilson Said (I'm in Heaven When You Smile)
Series: Star Trek XI: Bride of the Waterpark
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kirk/Bones, mentions of Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel, and a little surprise
Summary: It's been three weeks since Jim and Bones had a night off together, and the captain is going to do everything in his power to make sure their night is a special one.
Notes: So after writing “The Movie Never Ends” in about ten days (yes, ten days. This is what happens when you're unemployed), I needed a little break. And by little, I mean like three and a half months. And also, so did my wrists. Carpal tunnel is horrible and I hate it. So um, sorry if it seemed like I disappeared on anyone! I haven't forgotten about anything or moved fandoms or given up or live in Tibet or anything, I promise!

This takes place five weeks after “Movie,” so it's a year and nine months into the five year mission. The title is taken from the Van Morrison song by the same name. I'd have a link but apparently no one on the internet has the album version upload, just really bad covers and I won't do that to you all. The song that's playing during the scene in the mess hall is “Flashing Lights” by Kanye West. I uh...I kind of love Kanye, even if he is a giant failbot. Whenever my day is bad, I tell myself at least I'm not Kanye West and I feel a lot better. I suggest you try it sometime, it works wonders.

There's a bonus in here for anyone who's ever studied French literature. I...don't know how many people that would be other than myself (six years of French holla!) but uh. It's there. Special thanks to cryogenia and inugrlrayn for the read-throughs, and super special thanks to timbean, who without our RP the entire last scene would not have been possible.

Things featured in this fic: Chekov drinking a Slurpee, cameos from the cast of Glee, Jim being a really good boyfriend, Bones having a breakdown, Uhura being generally awesome, Sulu popping and locking, the perils of a Vulcan making your duty rosters, warm butter cake, and a tragic gardening accident. I just started giggling because tragic gardening accidents always make me think of This is Spinal Tap!

My titles keep getting longer. I wonder if I should worry about that.

( Jim snuggled further over onto the left side of the bed as he wrapped his arms around one of the pillows and grumbled a little under his breath. )

Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)
Series: Star Trek XI: waterpark 'verse
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? 44,841. It's just...it's full of stars.
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which, Pavel faces some consequences of his actions.

...It occurs to me that you guys probably think I hate Pavel because of this fic. Honestly, I don't. He's actually my favorite after McCoy. I just...it seems to me like there are a lot of downsides to being a child genius and I don't always feel like that gets addressed? So I wanted to address it. Or something.

( Five days passed since Castro III, or as Kirk was now calling it That Other Planet We Do Not Discuss. )

Coming Soon: To the End (La Comedie)

Next time on "there's a water park theater," four months have passed and everything is going well and fine. Spock and Uhura are enjoying their long engagement, Jim and Bones are having their first anniversary, Chekov and Scotty are finding they have quite a lot in common, and Sulu and Christine are quite happy.

So naturally, Pike delivers some unhappy news to Jim, Spock is suddenly not feeling so hot, Chris has a harder and harder time keeping her secret, and Scotty is facing a conundrum of his own.

Can the crew of the Enterprise overcome their obstacles? Can Sulu and Chekov become friends again? Can I stop with the ridiculous summaries and coming attractions parts of my posts? (Obviously, that last one's a no.)

Let me just end this with one specific thing. You are all cordially invited to the wedding of...

Chapter Five

Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)
Series: Star Trek XI: waterpark 'verse
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? 44,841. It's just...it's full of stars.
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which the shit finally hits the fan, a bit harder for some people than for others.

So I have a playlist for this 'verse, and as appropriate I add or subtract songs depending on the mood of the story. I added three Amy Winehouse songs, including "Love is a Losing Game." BUT...I also added Alicia Keys' "Through it All."

Director's commentary: originally Kirk and Sulu were going to sing "Roses" by Outkast. I may still have them do it in the future, it's a great mental image.

I also really feel like I should have stuck with the original summary, which was simply "Love makes you crazy." I bet you can't guess what six people that referred to, albeit some more than the others.

( Can't we talk about this, Jim said with his arms above his head. )

Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)
Series: Star Trek XI: waterpark 'verse
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? 44,841. It's just...it's full of stars.
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which, we find out why Jim hasn't asked a certain question, what Christine's been up to, and a bowling match happens.

( After she lay awake for four hours, Nyota Uhura realized she was going to be unable to sleep. )

Ttle: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)
Series: Star Trek XI: waterpark 'verse
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? 44,841. It's just...it's full of stars.
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

Traje de luces is the Spanish name for a matador's costume.

So um...Kirk is wearing a white t-shirt, cardigan, and dark jeans in this chapter. It's not at all this outfit I swear. All right so it totally is. But the transporter eats the cardigan and therefore I apologize for nothing.

( Jim pulled a cardigan on over his plain white t-shirt as he walked into the living room, while Bones sat at their desk with his PADD and a deep frown on his face. )