its soft edge might cut you

Fic: So Let's Raise the Bar (And Our Cups to the Stars)
Series: Star Trek AOS water park 'verse
Rating: NC-17 because of jerking off while someone watches and gives dirty talk, oral sex, and anal sex :D
Word Count: 7,185
Beta: kel_1970
Summary: Jim's plans to surprise Bones with new sheets get derailed by Bones' illness. Now if only Bones was on the same page as Jim about appropriate activities while sick...
Notes: Yeah okay it took like literal years, but here. Have fic where they buy the green sheets for Bones after buying the blue sheets for Jim. It turned into an actual story instead of just porn, which is why it took me so long. Sorry about that. (I do remember saying once I can't make them fuck without a reason. Well this is just more of that, sorry to say.)

Title taken from the song "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk. HAHAHAHAHA I BEAT EVERYONE TO IT. I WIN. I FUCKING WIN.

Ahem. >.>

Moving right along, footloose and fancy-free...fic!

( Engineer Scott to Captain Kirk. )

Title: May Your Days Be Merry (And Bright)
Series: Star Trek AOS (yes, it's true. Water Park is making a comeback!)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Scotty/Chekov, Sulu/Chapel
Summary: The winter holidays on the second year of their voyage.
Notes: THIS IS NOT A CHRISTMAS FIC.

Christmas is IN this fic, but it is not solely a Christmas fic. It is a Winter Holidays fic for the eight main characters of the Water Park ‘verse.

To break it down:
Spock/Uhura: Thanksgiving
Scotty/Chekov: Chanukah
Kirk/Bones: Christmas
Sulu/Chapel: New Year

The yam recipe is real. I made up the shit about Amanda being from Madison, as a special treat for someone. (<3 maypirate) The Vulcan food comes from Memory Beta because the hell if I know anything Vulcans eat besides the plomeek soup that got mentioned that one time in TOS. For all I know, they graze like antelope*.

*Disclaimer: I don’t in fact think Vulcans graze like antelope. I’m being colorful. No hate mail about how I think Vulcans are animals. I don’t. It’s a joke. :)

The prayers said during Chanukah come from Wikipedia, ditto the information about how to play dreidel and the foods. I admit I’ve done way more Passover things than Chanukah. I did have the fic beta’ed for authenticity, thank you maypirate. She said Pavel’s more thorough than she is, and I was afraid I hadn’t been thorough enough so I took that as a complement.

…She beta’ed the whole thing, not just Chanukah. Sorry, that made it sound like she only did the one scene.

Likewise, the postcard greetings and specifics about the Japanese New Year celebrations come from Wikipedia as well, and have also been checked for authenticity. maypirate lived there, so I think she knows what she’s talking about.

Shout out to kel_1970 for the mention of getting salmonella from eggnog! Also, 2261 is in fact the year of the ox. Metal ox. Google it, I did, and it totally came up. Bless the Chinese for doing things 3000 years at a time.

I’m sorry it took me so long to write more in this ‘verse, but I wanted Jim and Bones to be married in this story, and then I wanted to get Phoenix done before this year was up. I hope you all enjoy this! Oh also...you can totally read this without having read anything else in Water Park! So please don't let the fact that it's part of a bigger universe stop you.

( We begin on Tuesday, November 20th, 2260. )

Title: The Dog Days Are Over (The Dog Days Are Done)
Series: Star Trek XI
Rating: Slight R because of one thing Jim says
Summary: In which Waterpark Jim and Bones settle into their new life in San Francisco, and also acquire a dog.
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy of course, but there is background Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel, and Scotty/Chekov
Betas: inugrlrayn and maypirate
Word Count: 18,551
Disclaimer: The only thing that's mine is Georgie. Everything else belongs to a whole host of people with lawyers.

Notes: This is set quite a bit in the future, to a little more than three years after the big wedding fic. We’re fast-forwarding a bit, because I just really wanted to write this.

Some of the things that happen in this story happened to me about three years ago. Not exactly the same way, but similar enough. I have enough distance now that I can find the humor in it instead of being just like OH MY GOD NO so here. Have something fluffy and ridiculous. Or something. I don’t even know anymore.

This is for sangueuk, who won fic from me in help_japan! I really hope you like it!

The house is a real house that is currently for sale in the Presidio Heights neighborhood of San Francisco. Here are twenty-nine pictures including the floorplan, so that when I say things like “master level” none of you are confused.

Anyone who gets the Futurama reference is officially awesome.

A red eye is a drink consisting of coffee with a shot of espresso poured into it.

Pets Unlimited is a real pet adoption center and veterinary clinic near Presidio Heights in San Francisco. They seem to be a really wonderful organization. Their coffee shop also exists, it’s called the Blue Danube.

For the record, this is what Georgie looks like here. She weighs about 50 pounds. Here is a better full body shot. And here is a standing shot so the descriptor of “curly tail” makes sense.

Space psychology is a real facet of psychology, dealing predominantly with objects and how they react to space around us. It also studies space-related phobias such as claustrophobia, agoraphobia, and astrophobia. It is primarily studied in modern times by Gestalt psychologists such as E.S. Reed. It’s a growing field of psychology, but it’s a real thing. Again, I’m a psych major so do with that what you will. Memory Alpha lists that one of Bones’ areas of expertise is space psychology, which is why he’s teaching a class on it at Starfleet Academy.

The part of Cadet Randolph will be played rather unimaginatively by Alicia Keys.

Yes, it is THE Emma Frost that Jim meets while walking Georgie. I just saw First Class, and I’ve always loved Emma. And I mean, she’s had sex with Tony Stark, Namor, and Scott, is it really stretching it that she’d go for Jim? I don’t think so.

( Fall was approaching in San Francisco, and this meant many things, not the least of which was the start of the academic year at Starfleet Academy. )

Part Two

Title: It's a Warning (To Say Aloha)
Series: Star Trek XI: waterpark 'verse
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jim and Bones are enjoying their honeymoon. Or at least they would be if their lives weren't in danger.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I never did, and I, unfortunately, never will. No harm is meant.
Notes: So this is late, but finished. Which, I suppose, is all that really matters.

I say late because it was written for the jim_and_bones Saint Patrick’s Day challenge, which was all about the alcoholic beverages. I chose my favorite drink, the Irish Car Bomb, or more commonly, just a Car Bomb. Yes it’s a politically incorrect name, but what matters is that they taste like chocolate and are delicious. Just don’t forget to chug or else it’ll curdle!

I had that happen once BTW; that kind of ruined the experience.

Anywho, since I couldn’t just write a fic about Jim and Bones doing Car Bombs (mostly because that went against the rules of the challenge but also that would probably be boring), I opted instead to write about Jim and Bones being on their honeymoon in Maui.

But Dommi, you may be asking, what does an Irish Car Bomb have to do with a Hawaiian vacation?

You’ll just have to read it to find out.

This takes place a day after the epilogue of To the End (La Comedie). The title is taken from the song A Hawaiian Like Me by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.

Most of the information regarding the things Jim and Bones do on their honeymoon comes from this website. The details for the luau came from this review. Information about poi can be found at Wikipedia. Mahi-mahi and opakapaka are types of fish, specifically a whitefish similar to tilapia and Hawaiian pink snapper, respectively.

I would like to point out that the Word Doc for this fic is filled with squiggly red lines because of all of the Hawaiian words. I thought about giving up and adding them all to my dictionary, but I decided against it at the last minute.

Special thanks to the jim_and_bones chat crew for the most ridiculous thing in this story. You'll know it when you see it.

( So far, things had been perfect. )

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes: There, um...aren't any. I know, right? Wait no...there's a Wrath of Khan reference. It's pretty obvious when you see it.

Well I'll say this again because I can...62,471 words. I just...I wrote this in two weeks. (Boy I sure hope it doesn't show!) I'm inordinately proud of this story, and I thank those of you who have read it for doing so. Again I need to thank faoi_cheilt, inugrlrayn, and cryogenia for all of their support and assistance. I thank everyone for commenting, too, especially during such a busy time of the year. I realize my timing is terrible but I wanted to post it before 2010 was up, so I thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to read this.

I'll still be writing one-shots for this 'verse, but this is the last big story. So thank you, to everyone who's been with me from the beginning. It's really wonderful to see the same usernames every time. :D I'm by far not going to quit writing these two, so I hope you'll stick with me!

( The hotel room was lit only by the sunrise, and the windows and balcony doors were open as they let in a gentle, balmy breeze. )

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes: Taluhk nash-veh k'dular is Vulcan for “I cherish thee.” It’s about as flowery as they get and is considered a “declaration that is acceptable between bondmates in Vulcan society.” K’diwa is the shortened version of k'hat'n'dlawa which means “half of each other’s heart and soul.” It apparently is a bit archaic due to the emotional connotations the words have. It’s essentially “beloved” in Vulcan. These were taken from The Vulcan Language Dictionary.

The song that Bones walks down the aisle to is Concerto No. 1 in E major, Op. 8, RV 269, "La primavera" (Spring), third movement, allegro, by Vivaldi. The song they leave to is a surprise, as is the song they dance to.

Special thanks for this chapter goes out to inugrlrayn for her help with the vows. Thanks, lady!

I have that word count now: 62,471. I just...I don't even know.

I swear the epilogue is able to be posted in one part by itself. The link to part two is located at the bottom of the first half.

( Wait...you guys were the ones who sucked the air out, Jim said in an accusing tone to his friends as they sat inside Pike's office. )

Chapter 5b | Chapter 6b

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes: Taluhk nash-veh k'dular is Vulcan for “I cherish thee.” It’s about as flowery as they get and is considered a “declaration that is acceptable between bondmates in Vulcan society.” K’diwa is the shortened version of k'hat'n'dlawa which means “half of each other’s heart and soul.” It apparently is a bit archaic due to the emotional connotations the words have. It’s essentially “beloved” in Vulcan. These were taken from The Vulcan Language Dictionary.

The song that Bones walks down the aisle to is Concerto No. 1 in E major, Op. 8, RV 269, "La primavera" (Spring), third movement, allegro, by Vivaldi. The song they leave to is a surprise, as is the song they dance to.

Special thanks for this chapter goes out to inugrlrayn for her help with the vows. Thanks, lady!

I have that word count now: 62,471. I just...I don't even know.

I swear the epilogue is able to be posted in one part by itself. The link to part two is located at the bottom of the first half.

( Wait...you guys were the ones who sucked the air out, Jim said in an accusing tone to his friends as they sat inside Pike's office. )

Chapter 5b | Chapter 6b

This is part two of chapter five. Part one can be found here.

( Julien de Maupassant made his way to his private quarters within his warehouse. )

Chapter 5a | Chapter 6a

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes: Agent Belle’s real name is Ferdinand Sebastian. I’m sorry, I love bad puns. Agent Ramen’s last name is Topp. I AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING.

Sertraline is the medical name for the SSRI-type anti-depressant Zoloft.

The jumpsuits look like this. Once again, you are welcome for the mental images I have given to you. Sometimes I think I should write the next movie, because clearly I have the best ideas. Oh well. If someone in Hollywood puts a water park on the Enterprise, I’m getting a lawyer.

“Pute,” is French for “whore,” but they use it more like English speakers use “fuck.” It can literally be any part of speech, and packs more of a punch than “merde,” which is simply the word “shit.” Six years of French and these are the things I took away from it, well that and George Sand was amazing and is my renegade folk hero. Madame Meeker would be so proud.

I appear to have started shipping Pike/Rand because of this story. I just...I don’t even know, man. These things just keep happening to me and they snowball and I inflict them on you all because I feel lonely.

Extra special thanks for this chapter to faoi_cheilt. Otherwise the rescue would have been like unrealistic and two words. Thanks bb!

Once again, this chapter has been split into two parts due to length. There is a link at the bottom to the second half.

( Jim Kirk sat in the back of the shuttlecraft as his wrists were bound with a sour look on his face. )

Chapter 4b | Chapter 5b

Title: To the End (La Comédie)
Series: Star Trek XI (as if I write for anything else these days): water park 'verse
Rating: PG-13/R for some violence, swearing, and fade-to-black sexy stuff
Summary: You are cordially invited to the Starfleet social function of the year. That is, assuming these terrorists and the Enterprise Crew's own issues don't get in the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with the characters featured in Star Trek or the Star Trek movie from 2009. No harm was meant, so put the lawyers away, man.

Chapter Notes:I realized that somehow I had never written a scene with the classic trio being all...classic trio-ey with each other. Lots of Jim and Bones interaction, some Spock and Bones interaction, and a fair amount of Jim and Spock interaction. Nothing with the three of them together. Consider this rectified!

Writing a practically ten year old is fucking hard, by the way. It was so much easier to write Jo when she was all eight and smuggled on board a ship during her dad’s birthday. My bad for letting her grow up, I guess. JOANNA MCCOY WHY ARE YOU NOT FROZEN IN CARBONITE YOU GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT DON’T FORGET TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM. Also Jocelyn will be played by Kelly Rutherford aka Lily Rhodes-van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey. She’s only slightly older than Karl Urban so I figure it’s believable they were married and had a kid together. Plus she’s just kind of generally amazing and was born in Kentucky! There is a method to my fantasy casting.

Speaking of fantasy casting, Dianna Agron is my Janice Rand. She has enough hair for the elaborate hairstyles, she’s spunky and able to have a bit of an edge, and she’d totally pull off being a hyper-competent Girl Friday. I think it’s a pretty good match and it goes with my whole “Sulu likes leggy blondes” theory. And yes, before anyone asks, sometimes I do read Kirk/Sulu. Mostly when it’s written by maypirate!

Atmosphere is actually a real place in San Francisco, it has yelp reviews and everything. Although currently it is simply a dance club, I figure someone buys it or whatever in the next 200 years and there we go, Starfleet friendly strip club with strippers from every race ever, even Tellarite if you’re into that kind of thing. Related: am I the only person disturbed by the fact that yelp reviews strip clubs? Because they do, if you’re curious. Right, moving on.

Once again, this chapter has been split into two parts due to length. The link for part two is at the bottom of this section.

( Jim was practically giddy the next morning as he watched the Enterprise begin to slide into space dock above Earth’s atmosphere. )

Chapter 3b | Chapter 4B