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Same headers apply from prologue.
Jim Kirk stared out the bridge’s view screen, searching the stars as had become a habit over the course of the last week.
It was different up in space than in Georgia.
After debriefing, which went about as well as could be expected (“Doctor McCoy did what? With what?”) Jim went to Savannah to tell Bones’ Aunt and Uncle about what transpired. He explained as best he could about everything involving the Phoenix, and while they were sad, they were also proud of their nephew. It was plain by the look in their eyes.
His original plan was to leave Savannah after only a day and stay in a hotel, but Ginger didn’t want to hear it. So Jim spent the week at Magnolia Bend, helping with the horses. Ginger and Johnny were good people, and it made him feel closer to Bones as a result.
He spent hours every night looking up at the sky, hoping to see Bones come back to Earth.
Before he knew it, the week was up, and he returned to San Francisco. Ginger told him he was welcome back any time, and he promised to take her up on that. So now Jim stood on the bridge, staring at space and trying to ignore the hole that filled his heart.
He sighed, and someone put a hand on his shoulder. Jim turned; it was Nyota. “He’ll come back,” Nyota said. “You know he will.”
“Yeah, it’s not a question of if,” Jim agreed. “It’s a question of when.” And how long he would wait for him.
Nyota nodded. “Just give him some more time,” she said, and she took her station. Jim nodded before scanning the stars again, hoping against hope that Bones was on his way.
He wasn’t, though.
There were several hours before they were due to take off, as the crew still had to arrive, and he should head down to medical to make sure Geoff had everything under control as acting Chief Medical Officer. So he turned and made his way to the turbo lift.
“Captain,” Spock began.
Jim gave him a shaky smile. “Just checking up on something. I’ll be back in time for departure. You have the conn.” Spock nodded, and off Jim went. He took a turbo lift to deck six, and he walked down the hallway.
The thing about the medical wing was it also housed the Chief Medical Officer’s quarters. The room was about three meters down and across from sickbay. Jim stopped and stared at the door.
Before he even registered what he did, he pushed his override into the keypad. The door slid open, and he stepped inside. “Lights,” he called, and they came up at once.
Bones’ quarters sat empty.
Jim leaned back against the door and sighed. It wasn’t a surprise, but there was that hope again. He walked past the living room and back to the bedroom area, where he promptly sat on the bed. He tried to visualize what side Bones would sleep on but came up with a blank.
Jim sighed and lay down, kicking off his boots as he did so. Even though two weeks passed, the sheets smelled like Bones. Jim hugged one of the pillows close to his chest. “Bones,” he whispered. “Come home.”
He continued to lie there for a while when a bright flash startled him. Jim turned towards it, and what he saw made his heart leap with happiness.
Bones sat on the bed next to him in his Phoenix outfit.
Jim sat up and stared at Bones. He reached out a hand and poked him hard in the chest. “Ow,” Bones grumbled. Jim poked him a second time. “I’m real, Jim.”
“You’re here,” Jim finally said, and a smile lit up his face. “You came back!”
“I did promise I would,” Bones replied. He also smiled, and Jim’s grew brighter as a result.
“You did, but you didn’t say how long you’d be,” Jim said. “I just assumed you’d be gone for a lot longer.” Like forever, he thought, hoping Bones wouldn’t read his mind.
Bones raised an eyebrow. “You called me, so I came.”
Jim’s face softened. “I don’t…I just…you heard me?”
Bones nodded. They looked at each other for a few minutes, which made Jim flush. Shifting his position so he was sitting sideways but still facing Jim, Bones gave him another long look. “I think we need to talk,” he said, and that made Jim blush a second time.
Fuck.
Bones knew.
“Yeah, well,” Jim began. “I mean. I think I know how this is going to go, so I can save you the trouble.”
Bones’ expression changed from serious to perplexed.
“I know you just want to be friends,” Jim continued. “Everything you’ve ever done with me has screamed “just friends,” and I get that, I really do. If you give me some time, I’ll move past this.”
Bones’ face became less confused. He shook his head a few times. “Jim…”
“I will, Bones, I promise. I can’t say when or how, but I’ll get over you,” Jim finished as he glanced down at his hands.
Bones stared at him with a blank expression, causing Jim to flinch.
“You didn’t know. You didn’t know, and now I just blabbed it out like verbal diarrhea,” Jim said as he ducked down his head.
“And what if I don’t want you to?” Bones asked.
Jim looked back up at him. “What?”
“What if I don’t want you to get over me?” Bones asked a second time.
“I don’t understand,” Jim said. “Why wouldn’t you want that? You don’t want me.”
Bones sighed. “No, you think I don’t want you because that’s what I’ve wanted you to think.” He reached out and took Jim’s hands in his. “I have been wanting you, only you, for a long time, Jim.”
Jim’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“I love you,” Bones whispered, and Jim didn’t even stop to think before throwing himself into his arms. The force knocked Bones onto his back, and he laughed a little. “I love you, Jim,” he repeated.
“I…” Jim began. He meant to say I love you, too, he really did. What came out instead was, “Back at you.”
That time, Jim flinched for a different reason.
Bones didn’t look upset. “I know what you mean,” he said. “It’s okay, Jim. You’ll say it when it’s time.”
Jim nodded and buried his face in Bones’ neck. He took a long time to breathe him in, scared he was going to disappear again. “Do you have to go back?”
“No, the crystal’s been destroyed by a black hole. Even if it wasn’t destroyed, no one could get to it to use it again,” Bones said as he ran a hand up Jim’s spine. “I’m here for good.”
Jim smiled; he lifted himself up so that he faced Bones. The green of his jacket made Bones’ eyes stand out more than usual, and there were bright flecks of gold in them. Jim closed his eyes and tilted his head down; Bones met him halfway, and they kissed. It was soft and gentle, and Jim melted into it. He forgot everything else he was supposed to do as he kissed Bones for what seemed like hours.
The kiss ended, and Jim opened his eyes. Bones brought a hand up and touched Jim’s bottom lip with a finger. “I could do that for days,” Bones said in a hoarse voice.
Jim smiled. “Well, I hope not just that,” he said as he brought out his tongue and licked the tip of Bones’ finger.
Bones’ eyes darkened, but he had a concerned look on his face. “Don’t you need to be on the bridge?”
Jim shrugged. “Told Spock I’d be back in time for launch. That means we’ve got a couple of hours.”
“All right,” Bones said, and he rolled them so they lay on their sides. He leaned in and kissed Jim a second time. Jim smiled into it before opening his mouth, coaxing Bones into deepening the kiss.
They continued to kiss for a long time; neither of them was in any hurry, and Jim decided that kissing Bones was his new favorite hobby. He wound a hand into Bones’ hair, the other hand toying with the gold belt across Bones’ hips. Bones had cupped Jim’s face in his hands, and they stayed like that for a while.
Finally, they broke apart. Jim decided it was time to go for broke. He unfastened the green jacket, or at least he tried to. It was hard to figure out where it closed. Bones looked down at his hands.
“Am I reading this wrong?” Jim asked as he figured it out and opened the jacket. Bones wore a thin black shirt underneath, and he could feel his muscles through the fabric.
“No,” Bones said. “I could have removed my clothes with my powers, that’s all.”
“This is better,” Jim said as he pulled the jacket down Bones’ arms, tossing it onto the floor. Bones reached out and grabbed the hem of Jim’s shirts, pulling them up over his head. They joined his jacket on the floor, and Jim similarly removed the black shirt. They surged back together, and Jim felt Bones’ heart beating in his chest.
“There’s something else,” Bones said as he bent down and tasted the skin of Jim’s throat.
Jim leaned his head back and sighed. His hands found their way to Bones’ shoulders; his eyes drifted closed as Bones’ mouth moved down his neck. Jim ached for Bones, ached to be with him in every way he could. “Yeah?”
Bones continued to run his mouth over Jim’s throat, pausing to suck on a spot. “I want to link us.”
Jim smirked. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
Moving from one side of Jim’s neck to the other, and for once not taking the bait, Bones said, “I meant telepathically. I want to link us telepathically.” He pulled back and looked at Jim. “I know you don’t like it when I’m in your head, but…just this once, I’d like to, and you’ll be equally in mine.”
Oh.
Jim’s face grew serious. If Bones linked them telepathically, it would mean that he’d be privy to everything going on in Jim’s mind. Every thought would be laid bare.
But Bones looked so earnest…and after being apart for so long, Jim wanted, no needed to be as close to him as possible.
“Okay,” Jim said as he wrapped a leg around Bones’ waist, drawing him in closer. He could feel Bones’ erection against his thigh, and he gasped. “You can do it.”
Jim felt Bones smile into his skin. “As you wish.”
There was silence before images and feelings began to wash over Jim’s consciousness. He gasped a second time, albeit louder, as he got hit by all of Bones’ emotions. There was want and need, and above all love and warmth.
He could also see himself through Bones’ eyes, and what he saw took his breath away. Jim saw himself bathed in light, bright blue eyes glittering, smile warm and inviting. Jim knew he was handsome, but this…“That’s how you see me?” he asked once he calmed enough to do so.
//That’s how I see you, darlin’.// Bones said to him telepathically. //I see a similar image of myself in your thoughts. I guess that’s just how people in love see each other.//
Jim ran his hands down Bones’ shoulders to his chest. “Thank you.”
Bones moved lower on his body, licking at his clavicle. //Anytime.//
Jim fisted one hand in the sheets, and the other he placed in Bones’ hair. “How do I do that? Talk, I mean.”
//Just think something and send it to me. You might have to concentrate at first.//
Jim furrowed his brows. //Can you hear this?// he thought as loud as he could.
Bones jerked back from him; Jim went to ask what was wrong, but before he could Bones sent, //You’re shouting.//
//Oh.// Jim lowered his telepathic voice. //Is this better?//
//Yeah.// Bones came close again, shifting his position so he was back within kissing range. Bones kissed Jim, and this one was harder, more desperate. //You don’t have to if you don’t want to.//
//I want to.// Jim thought as they kissed again. He grew more comfortable with the communication the more he did it. //It’s kind of cool to be able to talk and make out at the same time.//
Bones didn’t reply, he instead brought his hand down to the waistband of Jim’s pants. He undid the button before unzipping the fly. Bones then slid his hand into them, cupping his cock through his briefs.
Jim jerked his hips in response. “Oh,” he said out loud as Bones ran his hand up his shaft. //More.//
Bones moved his hand down into the briefs, curling his fist around Jim’s cock. Jim broke the kiss to pant, squeezing his eyes closed so he could feel Bones. Once again, he shifted his hips into him, trying to get more friction.
As Bones began to stroke him in earnest, Jim’s thoughts short-circuited. The only thing that mattered was Bones, tasting and touching him for as long as possible.
//Your thoughts have turned into babbling.// Bones remarked as he continued to jerk him off. //Must like what I’m doing.//
“Mm, yeah,” Jim said between breaths. “Gonna come if you keep that up.”
//Can’t have that.// Bones let go of his cock as he kicked off his boots and unbuckled his belt. Jim licked his lips in anticipation. He reached out his hands to toss Bones’ belt onto the floor before undoing his trousers. Bones slid the pants and his boxers down his body. Thinking quickly, Jim wriggled out of his own pants, pulling them off and pitching them aside. He peeled his briefs down, Bones helping him with his hands.
Bones rolled them so Jim lay on his back with him resting above him in between his thighs. Jim heard a drawer open, and he saw a little flaming ball of energy drop an object onto the bed next to Bones’ hand. He almost asked what it was when Bones grabbed it and held it up.
It was a tube of lubricant.
//Just say the word.// Bones thought as he kissed Jim.
Suddenly a little nervous, Jim nodded. “Go ahead.” Bones felt nervous through the link too, and that comforted him.
Bones opened the lube and spread some on his right hand. He brought it down underneath Jim and to his entrance. He then pushed a finger into him.
“Uhn,” Jim said as he leaned forward, burying his face in Bones’ neck. Bones slid the finger in and out of him, and Jim got hit with a wave of need and desire through their bond. One finger became two, and Jim ground his hips down to meet Bones’ hand.
Bones added a third finger. //Fuck, you’re tight.//
Mewling, Jim bit down on the junction where Bones’ shoulder and neck met. “Please, Bones,” he said. “Please.”
Bones nodded, pulling his fingers out and pausing to grab the lube again. He slicked up his cock, shifting so that it was pressed against Jim’s hole. Bones pushed inside, causing Jim to bite down on his shoulder a second time. Bones had a thick cock, and it burned in the best possible way.
“Shit,” Jim gasped. Their thoughts merged; he could no longer tell where his began and Bones’ ended. They were joined in every way two people could be.
Bones pulled back, and Jim made eye contact with him. //Gonna move.//
And he did.
Bones slid in and out of Jim, setting a slow, hard rhythm. He also did not sever their eye contact, and Jim panted in earnest. Bones grabbed one of Jim’s hands and laced their fingers together as Jim wrapped his legs around Bones’ waist, pulling him in deeper. They moved together, and the only sound in the room was their breathing.
//This good?// Bones asked after a while.
Jim nodded. Bones shifted his hips, and he hit Jim’s prostate. Jim cried out, his legs trembling. Bones got it on every thrust as Jim started to get closer and closer to his orgasm. Unable to help himself, Jim made little hitching moans. They looked into each other’s eyes the entire time. Jim gripped Bones’ hand tighter; he was almost there. Jim shouted as his orgasm hit him, come splashing onto his and Bones’ stomachs.
//Beautiful.// Bones said, having watched his face and eyes as he came.
Jim blinked, his face flushed and pupils blown. He tightened his legs around Bones’ waist. “C’mon, Bones,” he managed to whisper. “Come for me.”
Bones groaned at his words, thrusting a few more times before becoming still. //Jim!//
Jim reached his free hand up and stroked his hair. He could concentrate enough to speak telepathically again. //That’s it. It was good, Bones. Better than.//
Bones smiled at Jim, a soft smile he had never seen before. He slid out of his body, leaning down to kiss him. Bones then shifted them so they lay on their sides.
Jim sighed. He waited for all of his usual post-sex feelings, such as time to go and gotta shower.
They didn’t come.
Jim sighed a second time as he nuzzled into Bones’ neck, as close as he could get. He inhaled Bones’ scent, noticing that it was now mixed with his own. He wrapped his arms tight around Bones’ waist and closed his eyes. This was where he belonged, in Bones’ bed and Bones’ arms. Bones’ thoughts surrounded his with a pleasant hum, and a thought occurred to him then. “Is the link permanent?”
Bones stroked his back. //Not if you don’t want it to be.//
Jim moved so he could look Bones in the eye. “And…if I want it to be?”
Bones smiled. //I’ll have to augment it, make it stronger so it still works if we’re far apart like when you’re planet side, and I stay on the ship. It also means total sharing and trust, Jim. I don’t want to push you into that.//
“You’re not pushing me.” Jim closed his eyes. //I’d like to keep it. I wasn’t sure at first, but I like this. I like the intimacy of it. Besides, in a way it’s always just been us. This solidifies what we already had.//
Bones pressed another kiss to his mouth, and he felt the link between them strengthen. Everything in Bones’ mind was there for him to witness, and likewise everything in his was there for Bones. It humbled him and made him feel like his mind became wrapped in a warm down comforter on a cold day.
//There.// Bones said. //We now have a full psychic rapport.//
Jim smiled. //Thanks.// It was easier to communicate, and Jim sighed. //It’s probably time for me to head back to the bridge.//
//I could always telepathically convince everyone you’re there so you could stay.// Bones said.
Jim stopped; it was tempting. Still though, it wasn’t a good idea. //Better not, in case something happens.//
//Fair enough.// Bones kissed him. //We can always come back here after you’re done for the day.//
Grinning, Jim snuggled again into Bones’ throat. //That sounds perfect. Want to shower with me?//
//That’s not necessary.// Bones’ eyes turned white, and a warm glow surrounded them. Within seconds not only was the sweat and come cleaned off their bodies, but their clothes were on and their hair was back in place. Bones had even put on a Starfleet uniform. //See?//
//Show off.// Jim looked down at his uniform. //This is convenient as hell.//
//It is.// Bones admitted with some pride. He sat up and extended a hand to Jim, who let him pull him upright. //Ready?//
“Hm,” Jim said out loud. He leaned in and gave Bones a very thorough kiss. //Now I am.//
//All right then, let’s go.//
They stood, and walked hand-in-hand to the door.
-----
The launch, as always, was successful, and Spock excused himself to prepare reports about the Phoenix to Starfleet. He had been debriefed with the others, but as Science Officer he was required to make additional reports about any and all cosmic phenomena the Enterprise encountered.
The Phoenix qualified.
Spock entered the code to his office, and the door slid open. “Lights,” he said, and they came up.
The room wasn’t empty, though.
Spock blinked three times at the scene before him.
A man sat in his desk chair; he had dark brown hair and an air about him of smug superiority. His brown eyes were assessing, and he wore something that looked like a Starfleet uniform, but wasn’t one of the current ones. It was a red and black one-piece suit with a Starfleet badge on the chest. “Ah, here we go,” the man said with a raised eyebrow. “I was about to do something dramatic, like appear on the bridge.”
“Who are you?” Spock demanded. “How did you get on this vessel? We are at warp, and there have been no reports of any use of the transporters.”
The man waved a hand. “Whatever.”
Spock tapped his badge. “Security…” he said. “We have an intruder.”
Nothing came over the line.
The man made a tsking sound. “We’re alone, Commander Kitty,” he said with a smile. “I’ve isolated us from the rest of the crew. I’ve got something I need to say, and it’s for your ears only.”
Spock turned and tried to open his office door; indeed, it was stuck. He turned back to the man in the chair and folded his arms behind his back.
“Oh, of course,” the man said. “You’re not going to argue or fight because it’s illogical.” He stood and continued to smile. “You Vulcans are so predictable it ought to be against the law.”
Spock looked the man in the eye. “You have me at every disadvantage, and if you are powerful enough to stowaway on a Federation vessel that is in warp, fighting you does not make much sense, especially as I am unarmed. I have no choice but to hear what you wish to say.”
With a look of surprise, the man raised up both his hands. “I promise I’m a friend. You can call me Q.”
“I would introduce myself, but as you insist on referring to me as ‘Commander Kitty,’ I have deduced that you already are aware of both who and what I am,” Spock replied.
This must have pleased Q, because he leaned against Spock’s desk. “Your doctor’s back.”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “Doctor McCoy has returned?” He went to the computer panel in the wall. “Computer, locate crew member McCoy, Leonard H.”
Searching: Medical wing, Chief Medical Officer’s office.
Q rolled his eyes. “I just told you he was here. Honestly, you people…”
“You will forgive me, as you have given me no reason to trust you.” Spock turned back to him. “You are, in fact, holding me hostage.”
“Fair enough,” he said. Q gestured to the chair. “Take a seat. You’re not going to like this.” Spock hesitated, but indeed sat down. He watched Q gather his thoughts. “Let me tell you what I know about the Phoenix,” he said after a moment, and again Spock raised an eyebrow.
“I have done extensive research into the Phoenix, both in Terran Literature and Vulcan,” Spock said. “I also have witnessed its abilities firsthand. I do not know what you can tell me of which I am not already aware.”
“What you know about the Phoenix is a drop in the ocean. It’s a thimble.”
Against his better judgment, Spock was curious. “The Phoenix is the Guardian of the M’Kraan Crystal. It gave Doctor McCoy powerful psychic abilities...”
“It did all that, that’s true,” Q said as he checked his nails for dirt. “But you don’t know the whole story. The Phoenix has more than one purpose, Commander Kitty. You think Herr Doktor can just move objects; he can move molecules, and his senses have expanded beyond all boundaries7.”
Spock did not say anything; he instead let him continue.
“He’s basically a God now,” Q finished.
“So why does he not simply make his own universe, the way the Mad Emperor D’Ken did inside the M’Kraan Crystal?”
Q tsked a second time. “See, that’s what you’re not getting. You don’t get how it functions at all. The Phoenix doesn’t act like that. It burns away what doesn’t work. It eats planets, it eats stars, and for whatever reason, it’s decided to call your doctor home.”
Now Spock was silent for a different reason.
“The Phoenix judges, and what it gives, it can take back without breaking a sweat or bleeding.”
It occurred to Spock then Q was afraid; it was not apparent by his posture and he was not shaking, but there was a look in his eyes that reminded Spock of Admiral Pike when he left to meet with Nero on the Narada. “I do not understand. If the Phoenix judges us yet has found Doctor McCoy worthy of being its host, then logically should he not be up to the task of hosting it?”
“Oh it’s judging him too,” Q countered. “It’s judging him, and I don’t think you’re going to like what it finds when it looks too close. He lets it get too familiar, and it’s all over.”
“I still do not understand your point,” Spock said. “The Doctor has done nothing but good with his newfound power. It would be illogical to assume he would be somehow corrupted by this force.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Q said with an edge to his voice. “I just told you, the Phoenix burns away what doesn’t work.” He took a step back from Spock. “So ask yourself one thing, Commander Kitty…what’s Herr Doktor here to burn?”
Spock found he had nothing to say, as illogical as it was.
Q stared at him for several minutes before turning his attention to one of the walls. “This stays between us for now,” he said. “I’ll know if you tell anyone, even that pretty linguist of yours.” He shrugged and got an ingratiating smile on his face. “Although I’m sure no one would believe you anyways. After all, it’d be illogical without evidence.”
With that, he disappeared into thin air, leaving Spock alone. He heard the door locks come back up, and he knew without trying that his communicator was online.
Fear was an illogical emotion, particularly when felt solely out of hearsay and not because of any scientific evidence. However, fear was the main emotion Spock felt at that particular moment.
If the man was right, and Doctor McCoy was here to “burn away what doesn’t work”…what did that mean?
Spock took a long, deep breath and his hands shook. While he was now concerned, there really wasn’t much he could do. All of the evidence pointed to McCoy’s hosting the Phoenix force as a good thing. Acting on the words of one person, no matter how foreboding, was incredibly illogical.
However…it was a warning, one that Spock would not soon forget.
----
After putting in his eight hours, Hikaru Sulu “clocked out” and went down to the mess hall to get some dinner. Pavel walked with him, and they chatted about everything and nothing as they made their way off the bridge. One particular topic was the captain and how he practically glowed during their shift.
The mess served meatloaf, or rather what passed for it, that day. Mashed potatoes, too, if anyone could call them that. They were runny. It was a thing. Sulu sighed as he looked at his tray; Pavel, who had dug in, gave him a funny look. “I did not miss the food,” Hikaru said under his breath. “Why are you doing that? You didn’t starve or anything on the break, did you?”
Pavel swallowed. “No, I am just hungry.”
Hikaru shrugged and took a bite of meatloaf. Yeah, it still had the texture of sawdust. “So am I, but I’m not shoving this swill into my mouth like there’s no tomorrow.”
Giving him a long look, Pavel said, “You are in a bad mood.”
Hikaru sighed. “I’m not, not really. I just…I don’t know. This whole Phoenix thing still has me on edge.”
Before Pavel could ask why, a friendly brogue asked, “Is this seat taken?” Pavel brightened and grinned, and Hikaru smiled at Scotty.
“Not at all,” Pavel said. “Sit, please.”
Scotty set his tray on the table and took the chair next to Pavel. “It’s been a long day,” he said as he began to eat.
Hikaru nodded. “Yeah, it has.”
Pavel gave Hikaru another pointed look. “Hikaru was talking about how he is still upset over Phoenix.”
Hikaru, whose mouth was full at that moment, glared daggers at his roommate. Pavel would pay for that later when he’d find all of Hikaru’s dirty clothes wadded up under his pillow.
Scotty got an intrigued look on his face. “Oh really? After everything McCoy’s done, that seems a bit odd.”
Hikaru swallowed. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful; I just don’t think any person should host this Phoenix thing.” He took another bite and chewed. As he swallowed, it occurred to him that he was anxious over nothing. McCoy wasn’t even on the ship. “Although, I guess it’s a moot point since the Doc’s gone now.”
“I wonder if when he comes back, he will still be bonded to Phoenix,” Pavel mused, and Scotty looked thoughtful at his words. “It protected the crystal; it has no reason to stay with him.”
“That whole situation was so fantastic,” Scotty said with awe in his voice. “I wouldn’t believe it had I not been along for the ride.” He looked at Pavel with a slight blush. “Sorry I kept clinging to you, by the way.”
Pavel also blushed and gave him a coy smile. “I did not mind.”
Hikaru looked back between the two of them with an eyebrow raised. That was new.
“Hey, can we sit here?” a voice said, and Hikaru looked up at the Captain. He also realized the reason why he was so happy stood right behind him. Doctor McCoy was back, and he looked…not outwardly happy, like Kirk, but there was a lightness to him Hikaru hadn’t seen before.
“No, join us,” Scotty said as he gestured to the empty chairs. Kirk took the seat next to Sulu, and McCoy sat to his right.
“When did you arrive?” Pavel asked with a grin.
“Just before launch,” McCoy answered as he took a bit meatloaf, grimacing at the flavor. “The crystal’s safe for now; no living creature can get to it. There wasn’t any point in living inside a black hole, so here I am.”
“So since you flew back through space, you’re still bonded to Phoenix I’m assuming?” Scotty said.
“Yeah,” McCoy said, and Hikaru watched him eat with a frown. “It can’t really be severed; that wasn’t part of the deal.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kirk said, and he put his hand on McCoy’s shoulder. “Phoenix and Bones saved the universe, and I like having that kind of power on our side. The telepathy alone will come in handy for diplomatic missions, never mind the telekinesis.”
McCoy stared at Kirk with a withering expression. “I just got volunteered for every mission we have from here on out, didn’t I?”
Kirk didn’t answer; he kept smiling, and McCoy sighed in response.
Spock and Nyota came up to the table, although Spock seemed distant and preoccupied. Hikaru wondered what that was about as they sat down.
“Leonard,” Nyota said. “Welcome back!”
“Thanks, Nyota,” McCoy said with part of a smile. “I didn’t miss the food.”
Hikaru sighed; that he could agree with. “Me neither.”
“I don’t think any of us did,” Jim mumbled. “I really should have a talk with HQ about what constitutes acceptable food on a starship. The food on StarCore was awesome.”
Spock, who instead of the meatloaf had a salad, looked at the captain. “It seems odd that you would prefer anything about that situation, given what resulted.”
Kirk sat back on the bench. “In spite of the brainwashed crew attacking us, the explosions, and Bones getting killed, StarCore wasn’t all that bad.”
Scotty paused in mid-sip. “You know, you never did explain to us what happened there. You’ve been very vague about this entire death business.”
“I am curious about it as well,” Nyota said.
“I have told you what happened,” Spock said as he gave her a confused look.
“I want to hear it from Leonard, since he’s the one who actually resurrected,” she explained.
Chekov looked curious, and Hikaru found he was as well. He wiped his hands off on his pants and tried to school his face into a more neutral expression. Maybe hearing more about the Phoenix would calm him.
“Well,” McCoy said. “I was flying the shuttle…” he began, telling the story. They all listened to him recount a tale of flaming beings and being offered a chance to start again.
And while Hikaru still was not convinced that McCoy hosting the Phoenix was in fact a good thing…he listened with rapt attention.
1.) Phoenix’s dialogue is taken from Classic X-Men #8.
2.) New X-Men #128. “Jean is only the house where I live, Charles…I am born and consumed in blood and flame and sacrifice. And return. Always coming back…It’s not a place. It’s how it feels to be the last hope…and to know you’ll win against all the odds. It’s the wing of the Phoenix touching your heart with flame.”
3.) The “Manifestation of the Phoenix” was originally used by neuro-mystics of the Shi’ar, according to New X-Men #128. I’ve changed it so that the Vulcans have seen a prior manifestation of the Phoenix force.
4.) New X-Men #150. “I had to die to come back, Logan. But I don’t know how long they’ll let me stay.”
5.) This scene is based off a scene between Jean and Professor Xavier in New X-Men #128.
6.) D’Ken’s dialogue to open the crystal is taken from the X-Men Animated Series episode, “The Starjammers.”
7.) Grant Morrison, New X-Men #148. “Let me tell you what I know about the Phoenix…Now I’m learning to move molecules around and expand my senses beyond all boundaries.” “…You could be like a god, Jeannie…” “The Phoenix isn’t like that, Logan. It’s more like…it burns away what doesn’t work. It eats planets and stars. It talks to me. And if I get too close…it replaces me.”
Thanks to the crew at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
jim_and_bones for all of the cheerleading and helpful feedback while I wrote this during Word Wars. I love you ladies a lot, so thank you so much for that! Thanks also to the ladies of churchofelric for having been there since I had this idea three years ago. You've all been there since it's beginning, and now it's actually done. So thank you for always being so encouraging.
Special thanks of course go out to my artist,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
enkanowen, and my mixer, ivycross. I have no words for how blown away I was by your creations, or how much painstaking thought you put into them. I am beyond thrilled with what I received, and it made my first time doing this even better! Thank you so very, very much for everything!
Extra special thanks go to my betas/editorsmaypirate and tresa_cho. This story would be a shadow without their encouragement, comments, whip cracking, and thoughtful ideas. I am forever grateful that you guys not only wanted to read my writing, but that you were willing to help me rise up to the level this story deserved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for it; I know I'm not always easy to work with, but I really appreciate your help!
Forfaoi_cheilt. <3
Chapter Seven
Jim Kirk stared out the bridge’s view screen, searching the stars as had become a habit over the course of the last week.
It was different up in space than in Georgia.
After debriefing, which went about as well as could be expected (“Doctor McCoy did what? With what?”) Jim went to Savannah to tell Bones’ Aunt and Uncle about what transpired. He explained as best he could about everything involving the Phoenix, and while they were sad, they were also proud of their nephew. It was plain by the look in their eyes.
His original plan was to leave Savannah after only a day and stay in a hotel, but Ginger didn’t want to hear it. So Jim spent the week at Magnolia Bend, helping with the horses. Ginger and Johnny were good people, and it made him feel closer to Bones as a result.
He spent hours every night looking up at the sky, hoping to see Bones come back to Earth.
Before he knew it, the week was up, and he returned to San Francisco. Ginger told him he was welcome back any time, and he promised to take her up on that. So now Jim stood on the bridge, staring at space and trying to ignore the hole that filled his heart.
He sighed, and someone put a hand on his shoulder. Jim turned; it was Nyota. “He’ll come back,” Nyota said. “You know he will.”
“Yeah, it’s not a question of if,” Jim agreed. “It’s a question of when.” And how long he would wait for him.
Nyota nodded. “Just give him some more time,” she said, and she took her station. Jim nodded before scanning the stars again, hoping against hope that Bones was on his way.
He wasn’t, though.
There were several hours before they were due to take off, as the crew still had to arrive, and he should head down to medical to make sure Geoff had everything under control as acting Chief Medical Officer. So he turned and made his way to the turbo lift.
“Captain,” Spock began.
Jim gave him a shaky smile. “Just checking up on something. I’ll be back in time for departure. You have the conn.” Spock nodded, and off Jim went. He took a turbo lift to deck six, and he walked down the hallway.
The thing about the medical wing was it also housed the Chief Medical Officer’s quarters. The room was about three meters down and across from sickbay. Jim stopped and stared at the door.
Before he even registered what he did, he pushed his override into the keypad. The door slid open, and he stepped inside. “Lights,” he called, and they came up at once.
Bones’ quarters sat empty.
Jim leaned back against the door and sighed. It wasn’t a surprise, but there was that hope again. He walked past the living room and back to the bedroom area, where he promptly sat on the bed. He tried to visualize what side Bones would sleep on but came up with a blank.
Jim sighed and lay down, kicking off his boots as he did so. Even though two weeks passed, the sheets smelled like Bones. Jim hugged one of the pillows close to his chest. “Bones,” he whispered. “Come home.”
He continued to lie there for a while when a bright flash startled him. Jim turned towards it, and what he saw made his heart leap with happiness.
Bones sat on the bed next to him in his Phoenix outfit.
Jim sat up and stared at Bones. He reached out a hand and poked him hard in the chest. “Ow,” Bones grumbled. Jim poked him a second time. “I’m real, Jim.”
“You’re here,” Jim finally said, and a smile lit up his face. “You came back!”
“I did promise I would,” Bones replied. He also smiled, and Jim’s grew brighter as a result.
“You did, but you didn’t say how long you’d be,” Jim said. “I just assumed you’d be gone for a lot longer.” Like forever, he thought, hoping Bones wouldn’t read his mind.
Bones raised an eyebrow. “You called me, so I came.”
Jim’s face softened. “I don’t…I just…you heard me?”
Bones nodded. They looked at each other for a few minutes, which made Jim flush. Shifting his position so he was sitting sideways but still facing Jim, Bones gave him another long look. “I think we need to talk,” he said, and that made Jim blush a second time.
Fuck.
Bones knew.
“Yeah, well,” Jim began. “I mean. I think I know how this is going to go, so I can save you the trouble.”
Bones’ expression changed from serious to perplexed.
“I know you just want to be friends,” Jim continued. “Everything you’ve ever done with me has screamed “just friends,” and I get that, I really do. If you give me some time, I’ll move past this.”
Bones’ face became less confused. He shook his head a few times. “Jim…”
“I will, Bones, I promise. I can’t say when or how, but I’ll get over you,” Jim finished as he glanced down at his hands.
Bones stared at him with a blank expression, causing Jim to flinch.
“You didn’t know. You didn’t know, and now I just blabbed it out like verbal diarrhea,” Jim said as he ducked down his head.
“And what if I don’t want you to?” Bones asked.
Jim looked back up at him. “What?”
“What if I don’t want you to get over me?” Bones asked a second time.
“I don’t understand,” Jim said. “Why wouldn’t you want that? You don’t want me.”
Bones sighed. “No, you think I don’t want you because that’s what I’ve wanted you to think.” He reached out and took Jim’s hands in his. “I have been wanting you, only you, for a long time, Jim.”
Jim’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“I love you,” Bones whispered, and Jim didn’t even stop to think before throwing himself into his arms. The force knocked Bones onto his back, and he laughed a little. “I love you, Jim,” he repeated.
“I…” Jim began. He meant to say I love you, too, he really did. What came out instead was, “Back at you.”
That time, Jim flinched for a different reason.
Bones didn’t look upset. “I know what you mean,” he said. “It’s okay, Jim. You’ll say it when it’s time.”
Jim nodded and buried his face in Bones’ neck. He took a long time to breathe him in, scared he was going to disappear again. “Do you have to go back?”
“No, the crystal’s been destroyed by a black hole. Even if it wasn’t destroyed, no one could get to it to use it again,” Bones said as he ran a hand up Jim’s spine. “I’m here for good.”
Jim smiled; he lifted himself up so that he faced Bones. The green of his jacket made Bones’ eyes stand out more than usual, and there were bright flecks of gold in them. Jim closed his eyes and tilted his head down; Bones met him halfway, and they kissed. It was soft and gentle, and Jim melted into it. He forgot everything else he was supposed to do as he kissed Bones for what seemed like hours.
The kiss ended, and Jim opened his eyes. Bones brought a hand up and touched Jim’s bottom lip with a finger. “I could do that for days,” Bones said in a hoarse voice.
Jim smiled. “Well, I hope not just that,” he said as he brought out his tongue and licked the tip of Bones’ finger.
Bones’ eyes darkened, but he had a concerned look on his face. “Don’t you need to be on the bridge?”
Jim shrugged. “Told Spock I’d be back in time for launch. That means we’ve got a couple of hours.”
“All right,” Bones said, and he rolled them so they lay on their sides. He leaned in and kissed Jim a second time. Jim smiled into it before opening his mouth, coaxing Bones into deepening the kiss.
They continued to kiss for a long time; neither of them was in any hurry, and Jim decided that kissing Bones was his new favorite hobby. He wound a hand into Bones’ hair, the other hand toying with the gold belt across Bones’ hips. Bones had cupped Jim’s face in his hands, and they stayed like that for a while.
Finally, they broke apart. Jim decided it was time to go for broke. He unfastened the green jacket, or at least he tried to. It was hard to figure out where it closed. Bones looked down at his hands.
“Am I reading this wrong?” Jim asked as he figured it out and opened the jacket. Bones wore a thin black shirt underneath, and he could feel his muscles through the fabric.
“No,” Bones said. “I could have removed my clothes with my powers, that’s all.”
“This is better,” Jim said as he pulled the jacket down Bones’ arms, tossing it onto the floor. Bones reached out and grabbed the hem of Jim’s shirts, pulling them up over his head. They joined his jacket on the floor, and Jim similarly removed the black shirt. They surged back together, and Jim felt Bones’ heart beating in his chest.
“There’s something else,” Bones said as he bent down and tasted the skin of Jim’s throat.
Jim leaned his head back and sighed. His hands found their way to Bones’ shoulders; his eyes drifted closed as Bones’ mouth moved down his neck. Jim ached for Bones, ached to be with him in every way he could. “Yeah?”
Bones continued to run his mouth over Jim’s throat, pausing to suck on a spot. “I want to link us.”
Jim smirked. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
Moving from one side of Jim’s neck to the other, and for once not taking the bait, Bones said, “I meant telepathically. I want to link us telepathically.” He pulled back and looked at Jim. “I know you don’t like it when I’m in your head, but…just this once, I’d like to, and you’ll be equally in mine.”
Oh.
Jim’s face grew serious. If Bones linked them telepathically, it would mean that he’d be privy to everything going on in Jim’s mind. Every thought would be laid bare.
But Bones looked so earnest…and after being apart for so long, Jim wanted, no needed to be as close to him as possible.
“Okay,” Jim said as he wrapped a leg around Bones’ waist, drawing him in closer. He could feel Bones’ erection against his thigh, and he gasped. “You can do it.”
Jim felt Bones smile into his skin. “As you wish.”
There was silence before images and feelings began to wash over Jim’s consciousness. He gasped a second time, albeit louder, as he got hit by all of Bones’ emotions. There was want and need, and above all love and warmth.
He could also see himself through Bones’ eyes, and what he saw took his breath away. Jim saw himself bathed in light, bright blue eyes glittering, smile warm and inviting. Jim knew he was handsome, but this…“That’s how you see me?” he asked once he calmed enough to do so.
//That’s how I see you, darlin’.// Bones said to him telepathically. //I see a similar image of myself in your thoughts. I guess that’s just how people in love see each other.//
Jim ran his hands down Bones’ shoulders to his chest. “Thank you.”
Bones moved lower on his body, licking at his clavicle. //Anytime.//
Jim fisted one hand in the sheets, and the other he placed in Bones’ hair. “How do I do that? Talk, I mean.”
//Just think something and send it to me. You might have to concentrate at first.//
Jim furrowed his brows. //Can you hear this?// he thought as loud as he could.
Bones jerked back from him; Jim went to ask what was wrong, but before he could Bones sent, //You’re shouting.//
//Oh.// Jim lowered his telepathic voice. //Is this better?//
//Yeah.// Bones came close again, shifting his position so he was back within kissing range. Bones kissed Jim, and this one was harder, more desperate. //You don’t have to if you don’t want to.//
//I want to.// Jim thought as they kissed again. He grew more comfortable with the communication the more he did it. //It’s kind of cool to be able to talk and make out at the same time.//
Bones didn’t reply, he instead brought his hand down to the waistband of Jim’s pants. He undid the button before unzipping the fly. Bones then slid his hand into them, cupping his cock through his briefs.
Jim jerked his hips in response. “Oh,” he said out loud as Bones ran his hand up his shaft. //More.//
Bones moved his hand down into the briefs, curling his fist around Jim’s cock. Jim broke the kiss to pant, squeezing his eyes closed so he could feel Bones. Once again, he shifted his hips into him, trying to get more friction.
As Bones began to stroke him in earnest, Jim’s thoughts short-circuited. The only thing that mattered was Bones, tasting and touching him for as long as possible.
//Your thoughts have turned into babbling.// Bones remarked as he continued to jerk him off. //Must like what I’m doing.//
“Mm, yeah,” Jim said between breaths. “Gonna come if you keep that up.”
//Can’t have that.// Bones let go of his cock as he kicked off his boots and unbuckled his belt. Jim licked his lips in anticipation. He reached out his hands to toss Bones’ belt onto the floor before undoing his trousers. Bones slid the pants and his boxers down his body. Thinking quickly, Jim wriggled out of his own pants, pulling them off and pitching them aside. He peeled his briefs down, Bones helping him with his hands.
Bones rolled them so Jim lay on his back with him resting above him in between his thighs. Jim heard a drawer open, and he saw a little flaming ball of energy drop an object onto the bed next to Bones’ hand. He almost asked what it was when Bones grabbed it and held it up.
It was a tube of lubricant.
//Just say the word.// Bones thought as he kissed Jim.
Suddenly a little nervous, Jim nodded. “Go ahead.” Bones felt nervous through the link too, and that comforted him.
Bones opened the lube and spread some on his right hand. He brought it down underneath Jim and to his entrance. He then pushed a finger into him.
“Uhn,” Jim said as he leaned forward, burying his face in Bones’ neck. Bones slid the finger in and out of him, and Jim got hit with a wave of need and desire through their bond. One finger became two, and Jim ground his hips down to meet Bones’ hand.
Bones added a third finger. //Fuck, you’re tight.//
Mewling, Jim bit down on the junction where Bones’ shoulder and neck met. “Please, Bones,” he said. “Please.”
Bones nodded, pulling his fingers out and pausing to grab the lube again. He slicked up his cock, shifting so that it was pressed against Jim’s hole. Bones pushed inside, causing Jim to bite down on his shoulder a second time. Bones had a thick cock, and it burned in the best possible way.
“Shit,” Jim gasped. Their thoughts merged; he could no longer tell where his began and Bones’ ended. They were joined in every way two people could be.
Bones pulled back, and Jim made eye contact with him. //Gonna move.//
And he did.
Bones slid in and out of Jim, setting a slow, hard rhythm. He also did not sever their eye contact, and Jim panted in earnest. Bones grabbed one of Jim’s hands and laced their fingers together as Jim wrapped his legs around Bones’ waist, pulling him in deeper. They moved together, and the only sound in the room was their breathing.
//This good?// Bones asked after a while.
Jim nodded. Bones shifted his hips, and he hit Jim’s prostate. Jim cried out, his legs trembling. Bones got it on every thrust as Jim started to get closer and closer to his orgasm. Unable to help himself, Jim made little hitching moans. They looked into each other’s eyes the entire time. Jim gripped Bones’ hand tighter; he was almost there. Jim shouted as his orgasm hit him, come splashing onto his and Bones’ stomachs.
//Beautiful.// Bones said, having watched his face and eyes as he came.
Jim blinked, his face flushed and pupils blown. He tightened his legs around Bones’ waist. “C’mon, Bones,” he managed to whisper. “Come for me.”
Bones groaned at his words, thrusting a few more times before becoming still. //Jim!//
Jim reached his free hand up and stroked his hair. He could concentrate enough to speak telepathically again. //That’s it. It was good, Bones. Better than.//
Bones smiled at Jim, a soft smile he had never seen before. He slid out of his body, leaning down to kiss him. Bones then shifted them so they lay on their sides.
Jim sighed. He waited for all of his usual post-sex feelings, such as time to go and gotta shower.
They didn’t come.
Jim sighed a second time as he nuzzled into Bones’ neck, as close as he could get. He inhaled Bones’ scent, noticing that it was now mixed with his own. He wrapped his arms tight around Bones’ waist and closed his eyes. This was where he belonged, in Bones’ bed and Bones’ arms. Bones’ thoughts surrounded his with a pleasant hum, and a thought occurred to him then. “Is the link permanent?”
Bones stroked his back. //Not if you don’t want it to be.//
Jim moved so he could look Bones in the eye. “And…if I want it to be?”
Bones smiled. //I’ll have to augment it, make it stronger so it still works if we’re far apart like when you’re planet side, and I stay on the ship. It also means total sharing and trust, Jim. I don’t want to push you into that.//
“You’re not pushing me.” Jim closed his eyes. //I’d like to keep it. I wasn’t sure at first, but I like this. I like the intimacy of it. Besides, in a way it’s always just been us. This solidifies what we already had.//
Bones pressed another kiss to his mouth, and he felt the link between them strengthen. Everything in Bones’ mind was there for him to witness, and likewise everything in his was there for Bones. It humbled him and made him feel like his mind became wrapped in a warm down comforter on a cold day.
//There.// Bones said. //We now have a full psychic rapport.//
Jim smiled. //Thanks.// It was easier to communicate, and Jim sighed. //It’s probably time for me to head back to the bridge.//
//I could always telepathically convince everyone you’re there so you could stay.// Bones said.
Jim stopped; it was tempting. Still though, it wasn’t a good idea. //Better not, in case something happens.//
//Fair enough.// Bones kissed him. //We can always come back here after you’re done for the day.//
Grinning, Jim snuggled again into Bones’ throat. //That sounds perfect. Want to shower with me?//
//That’s not necessary.// Bones’ eyes turned white, and a warm glow surrounded them. Within seconds not only was the sweat and come cleaned off their bodies, but their clothes were on and their hair was back in place. Bones had even put on a Starfleet uniform. //See?//
//Show off.// Jim looked down at his uniform. //This is convenient as hell.//
//It is.// Bones admitted with some pride. He sat up and extended a hand to Jim, who let him pull him upright. //Ready?//
“Hm,” Jim said out loud. He leaned in and gave Bones a very thorough kiss. //Now I am.//
//All right then, let’s go.//
They stood, and walked hand-in-hand to the door.
The launch, as always, was successful, and Spock excused himself to prepare reports about the Phoenix to Starfleet. He had been debriefed with the others, but as Science Officer he was required to make additional reports about any and all cosmic phenomena the Enterprise encountered.
The Phoenix qualified.
Spock entered the code to his office, and the door slid open. “Lights,” he said, and they came up.
The room wasn’t empty, though.
Spock blinked three times at the scene before him.
A man sat in his desk chair; he had dark brown hair and an air about him of smug superiority. His brown eyes were assessing, and he wore something that looked like a Starfleet uniform, but wasn’t one of the current ones. It was a red and black one-piece suit with a Starfleet badge on the chest. “Ah, here we go,” the man said with a raised eyebrow. “I was about to do something dramatic, like appear on the bridge.”
“Who are you?” Spock demanded. “How did you get on this vessel? We are at warp, and there have been no reports of any use of the transporters.”
The man waved a hand. “Whatever.”
Spock tapped his badge. “Security…” he said. “We have an intruder.”
Nothing came over the line.
The man made a tsking sound. “We’re alone, Commander Kitty,” he said with a smile. “I’ve isolated us from the rest of the crew. I’ve got something I need to say, and it’s for your ears only.”
Spock turned and tried to open his office door; indeed, it was stuck. He turned back to the man in the chair and folded his arms behind his back.
“Oh, of course,” the man said. “You’re not going to argue or fight because it’s illogical.” He stood and continued to smile. “You Vulcans are so predictable it ought to be against the law.”
Spock looked the man in the eye. “You have me at every disadvantage, and if you are powerful enough to stowaway on a Federation vessel that is in warp, fighting you does not make much sense, especially as I am unarmed. I have no choice but to hear what you wish to say.”
With a look of surprise, the man raised up both his hands. “I promise I’m a friend. You can call me Q.”
“I would introduce myself, but as you insist on referring to me as ‘Commander Kitty,’ I have deduced that you already are aware of both who and what I am,” Spock replied.
This must have pleased Q, because he leaned against Spock’s desk. “Your doctor’s back.”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “Doctor McCoy has returned?” He went to the computer panel in the wall. “Computer, locate crew member McCoy, Leonard H.”
Searching: Medical wing, Chief Medical Officer’s office.
Q rolled his eyes. “I just told you he was here. Honestly, you people…”
“You will forgive me, as you have given me no reason to trust you.” Spock turned back to him. “You are, in fact, holding me hostage.”
“Fair enough,” he said. Q gestured to the chair. “Take a seat. You’re not going to like this.” Spock hesitated, but indeed sat down. He watched Q gather his thoughts. “Let me tell you what I know about the Phoenix,” he said after a moment, and again Spock raised an eyebrow.
“I have done extensive research into the Phoenix, both in Terran Literature and Vulcan,” Spock said. “I also have witnessed its abilities firsthand. I do not know what you can tell me of which I am not already aware.”
“What you know about the Phoenix is a drop in the ocean. It’s a thimble.”
Against his better judgment, Spock was curious. “The Phoenix is the Guardian of the M’Kraan Crystal. It gave Doctor McCoy powerful psychic abilities...”
“It did all that, that’s true,” Q said as he checked his nails for dirt. “But you don’t know the whole story. The Phoenix has more than one purpose, Commander Kitty. You think Herr Doktor can just move objects; he can move molecules, and his senses have expanded beyond all boundaries7.”
Spock did not say anything; he instead let him continue.
“He’s basically a God now,” Q finished.
“So why does he not simply make his own universe, the way the Mad Emperor D’Ken did inside the M’Kraan Crystal?”
Q tsked a second time. “See, that’s what you’re not getting. You don’t get how it functions at all. The Phoenix doesn’t act like that. It burns away what doesn’t work. It eats planets, it eats stars, and for whatever reason, it’s decided to call your doctor home.”
Now Spock was silent for a different reason.
“The Phoenix judges, and what it gives, it can take back without breaking a sweat or bleeding.”
It occurred to Spock then Q was afraid; it was not apparent by his posture and he was not shaking, but there was a look in his eyes that reminded Spock of Admiral Pike when he left to meet with Nero on the Narada. “I do not understand. If the Phoenix judges us yet has found Doctor McCoy worthy of being its host, then logically should he not be up to the task of hosting it?”
“Oh it’s judging him too,” Q countered. “It’s judging him, and I don’t think you’re going to like what it finds when it looks too close. He lets it get too familiar, and it’s all over.”
“I still do not understand your point,” Spock said. “The Doctor has done nothing but good with his newfound power. It would be illogical to assume he would be somehow corrupted by this force.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Q said with an edge to his voice. “I just told you, the Phoenix burns away what doesn’t work.” He took a step back from Spock. “So ask yourself one thing, Commander Kitty…what’s Herr Doktor here to burn?”
Spock found he had nothing to say, as illogical as it was.
Q stared at him for several minutes before turning his attention to one of the walls. “This stays between us for now,” he said. “I’ll know if you tell anyone, even that pretty linguist of yours.” He shrugged and got an ingratiating smile on his face. “Although I’m sure no one would believe you anyways. After all, it’d be illogical without evidence.”
With that, he disappeared into thin air, leaving Spock alone. He heard the door locks come back up, and he knew without trying that his communicator was online.
Fear was an illogical emotion, particularly when felt solely out of hearsay and not because of any scientific evidence. However, fear was the main emotion Spock felt at that particular moment.
If the man was right, and Doctor McCoy was here to “burn away what doesn’t work”…what did that mean?
Spock took a long, deep breath and his hands shook. While he was now concerned, there really wasn’t much he could do. All of the evidence pointed to McCoy’s hosting the Phoenix force as a good thing. Acting on the words of one person, no matter how foreboding, was incredibly illogical.
However…it was a warning, one that Spock would not soon forget.
After putting in his eight hours, Hikaru Sulu “clocked out” and went down to the mess hall to get some dinner. Pavel walked with him, and they chatted about everything and nothing as they made their way off the bridge. One particular topic was the captain and how he practically glowed during their shift.
The mess served meatloaf, or rather what passed for it, that day. Mashed potatoes, too, if anyone could call them that. They were runny. It was a thing. Sulu sighed as he looked at his tray; Pavel, who had dug in, gave him a funny look. “I did not miss the food,” Hikaru said under his breath. “Why are you doing that? You didn’t starve or anything on the break, did you?”
Pavel swallowed. “No, I am just hungry.”
Hikaru shrugged and took a bite of meatloaf. Yeah, it still had the texture of sawdust. “So am I, but I’m not shoving this swill into my mouth like there’s no tomorrow.”
Giving him a long look, Pavel said, “You are in a bad mood.”
Hikaru sighed. “I’m not, not really. I just…I don’t know. This whole Phoenix thing still has me on edge.”
Before Pavel could ask why, a friendly brogue asked, “Is this seat taken?” Pavel brightened and grinned, and Hikaru smiled at Scotty.
“Not at all,” Pavel said. “Sit, please.”
Scotty set his tray on the table and took the chair next to Pavel. “It’s been a long day,” he said as he began to eat.
Hikaru nodded. “Yeah, it has.”
Pavel gave Hikaru another pointed look. “Hikaru was talking about how he is still upset over Phoenix.”
Hikaru, whose mouth was full at that moment, glared daggers at his roommate. Pavel would pay for that later when he’d find all of Hikaru’s dirty clothes wadded up under his pillow.
Scotty got an intrigued look on his face. “Oh really? After everything McCoy’s done, that seems a bit odd.”
Hikaru swallowed. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful; I just don’t think any person should host this Phoenix thing.” He took another bite and chewed. As he swallowed, it occurred to him that he was anxious over nothing. McCoy wasn’t even on the ship. “Although, I guess it’s a moot point since the Doc’s gone now.”
“I wonder if when he comes back, he will still be bonded to Phoenix,” Pavel mused, and Scotty looked thoughtful at his words. “It protected the crystal; it has no reason to stay with him.”
“That whole situation was so fantastic,” Scotty said with awe in his voice. “I wouldn’t believe it had I not been along for the ride.” He looked at Pavel with a slight blush. “Sorry I kept clinging to you, by the way.”
Pavel also blushed and gave him a coy smile. “I did not mind.”
Hikaru looked back between the two of them with an eyebrow raised. That was new.
“Hey, can we sit here?” a voice said, and Hikaru looked up at the Captain. He also realized the reason why he was so happy stood right behind him. Doctor McCoy was back, and he looked…not outwardly happy, like Kirk, but there was a lightness to him Hikaru hadn’t seen before.
“No, join us,” Scotty said as he gestured to the empty chairs. Kirk took the seat next to Sulu, and McCoy sat to his right.
“When did you arrive?” Pavel asked with a grin.
“Just before launch,” McCoy answered as he took a bit meatloaf, grimacing at the flavor. “The crystal’s safe for now; no living creature can get to it. There wasn’t any point in living inside a black hole, so here I am.”
“So since you flew back through space, you’re still bonded to Phoenix I’m assuming?” Scotty said.
“Yeah,” McCoy said, and Hikaru watched him eat with a frown. “It can’t really be severed; that wasn’t part of the deal.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kirk said, and he put his hand on McCoy’s shoulder. “Phoenix and Bones saved the universe, and I like having that kind of power on our side. The telepathy alone will come in handy for diplomatic missions, never mind the telekinesis.”
McCoy stared at Kirk with a withering expression. “I just got volunteered for every mission we have from here on out, didn’t I?”
Kirk didn’t answer; he kept smiling, and McCoy sighed in response.
Spock and Nyota came up to the table, although Spock seemed distant and preoccupied. Hikaru wondered what that was about as they sat down.
“Leonard,” Nyota said. “Welcome back!”
“Thanks, Nyota,” McCoy said with part of a smile. “I didn’t miss the food.”
Hikaru sighed; that he could agree with. “Me neither.”
“I don’t think any of us did,” Jim mumbled. “I really should have a talk with HQ about what constitutes acceptable food on a starship. The food on StarCore was awesome.”
Spock, who instead of the meatloaf had a salad, looked at the captain. “It seems odd that you would prefer anything about that situation, given what resulted.”
Kirk sat back on the bench. “In spite of the brainwashed crew attacking us, the explosions, and Bones getting killed, StarCore wasn’t all that bad.”
Scotty paused in mid-sip. “You know, you never did explain to us what happened there. You’ve been very vague about this entire death business.”
“I am curious about it as well,” Nyota said.
“I have told you what happened,” Spock said as he gave her a confused look.
“I want to hear it from Leonard, since he’s the one who actually resurrected,” she explained.
Chekov looked curious, and Hikaru found he was as well. He wiped his hands off on his pants and tried to school his face into a more neutral expression. Maybe hearing more about the Phoenix would calm him.
“Well,” McCoy said. “I was flying the shuttle…” he began, telling the story. They all listened to him recount a tale of flaming beings and being offered a chance to start again.
And while Hikaru still was not convinced that McCoy hosting the Phoenix was in fact a good thing…he listened with rapt attention.
1.) Phoenix’s dialogue is taken from Classic X-Men #8.
2.) New X-Men #128. “Jean is only the house where I live, Charles…I am born and consumed in blood and flame and sacrifice. And return. Always coming back…It’s not a place. It’s how it feels to be the last hope…and to know you’ll win against all the odds. It’s the wing of the Phoenix touching your heart with flame.”
3.) The “Manifestation of the Phoenix” was originally used by neuro-mystics of the Shi’ar, according to New X-Men #128. I’ve changed it so that the Vulcans have seen a prior manifestation of the Phoenix force.
4.) New X-Men #150. “I had to die to come back, Logan. But I don’t know how long they’ll let me stay.”
5.) This scene is based off a scene between Jean and Professor Xavier in New X-Men #128.
6.) D’Ken’s dialogue to open the crystal is taken from the X-Men Animated Series episode, “The Starjammers.”
7.) Grant Morrison, New X-Men #148. “Let me tell you what I know about the Phoenix…Now I’m learning to move molecules around and expand my senses beyond all boundaries.” “…You could be like a god, Jeannie…” “The Phoenix isn’t like that, Logan. It’s more like…it burns away what doesn’t work. It eats planets and stars. It talks to me. And if I get too close…it replaces me.”
Thanks to the crew at
jim_and_bones for all of the cheerleading and helpful feedback while I wrote this during Word Wars. I love you ladies a lot, so thank you so much for that! Thanks also to the ladies of churchofelric for having been there since I had this idea three years ago. You've all been there since it's beginning, and now it's actually done. So thank you for always being so encouraging.Special thanks of course go out to my artist,
enkanowen, and my mixer, ivycross. I have no words for how blown away I was by your creations, or how much painstaking thought you put into them. I am beyond thrilled with what I received, and it made my first time doing this even better! Thank you so very, very much for everything!Extra special thanks go to my betas/editors
maypirate and tresa_cho. This story would be a shadow without their encouragement, comments, whip cracking, and thoughtful ideas. I am forever grateful that you guys not only wanted to read my writing, but that you were willing to help me rise up to the level this story deserved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for it; I know I'm not always easy to work with, but I really appreciate your help!For
faoi_cheilt. <3Chapter Seven
