ken_ichijouji: (because duh // sulu)
Title: The Sleight of My Hand is Now a Quick-Pull Trigger
Series: Star Trek AOS including major spoilers for Star Trek Into Darkness
Rating: PG-13 for swearing (look! I wrote something without porn in it! Aren't we all proud?)
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, and the ever shiny and new Marcus/Sulu
Word Count: 18,308
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] kel_1970
Summary: There's a lot of things Carol Marcus doesn't know about her new ship, her new crewmates, or her new job. The one thing she does know is that if the Captain and the CMO don't get together soon, she's going to lose her mind. AKA The Fic Where Carol Marcus Plays Yenta for Jim and Bones.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Carol's cursing habit and backstory. Everything else belongs to very rich people with armies of lawyers who would be kind of jerks for picking on poor li'l ole me. ;)
Notes: Full notes on AO3. Fic posted only there due to length.
ken_ichijouji: (as if // princess diaries)
Title: And That's How You Get Ants
Series: Star Trek 2009 fused with the F/X animated sitcom Archer
Pairings: Spock/Bones (work with me here), Jim/Bones (past relationship and current UST), one-sided Sulu/Bones (holy shit Bones is getting around in this universe), some blink and you'll miss it Chekov/Jim and Carol Marcus/Spock
Rating: R for sexual references, swearing, and dead hooker jokes
Beta/General advice: [livejournal.com profile] maypirate
Summary: A normal day in the life for top STRFLT secret agent James Kirk, codenamed Duchess. Now if only he could get his ex-lover away from his dull new boyfriend...
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Trek characters or anything from Archer. Nothing, nada, zilch, zip, zero.
Notes: Right, so I’ve been saying I would do this for a while now. Like…since this show came out a while. So um…2010? Ish? Yeah.

For those of you not in the know, Archer is a spy comedy on F/X. It’s about a secret agent named Sterling Archer, who works for the agency ISIS under his mother, Malory Archer. Archer (as Sterling is referred to by most of the other characters) works with a variety of interesting people in the office. In addition to international intrigue, he must deal with things like balancing his expense account and working closely with his ex, Lana Kane, and maybe there’s still some sexual tension there.

Also the humor is blue as SHIT. Seriously, if this seems way more offensive/dirty than the things I usually write, well…it’s the show. Some of the jokes are going to be taken directly from it. Also for the sake of an explanation, Pam is constantly made fun of for being ugly and fat. Hence all the jokes made at Hikaru’s expense. If it seems mean, well…it kind of is.

Like this is one of those shows that is totally not politically correct. At all. Beyond not politically correct. It wouldn’t be in the spirit of the show to do otherwise. Some of the jokes are lifted from the show proper because it’s one of those things where there was simply no way I could come up with something funnier. (Like the O. Henry/Alanis Morissette joke.)

So obviously, Jim is Sterling Archer and Winona is Malory. Bones, not Nyota, is Lana. (Nyota gets to be Gillette so she can be the only sane person that works at the agency. Trust me, it’s better this way.)

Anyways, I hope you find it funny. If you guys like it, I’ll do more of these.


Read more... )
ken_ichijouji: (as if // princess diaries)
Title: And That's How You Get Ants
Series: Star Trek 2009 fused with the F/X animated sitcom Archer
Pairings: Spock/Bones (work with me here), Jim/Bones (past relationship and current UST), one-sided Sulu/Bones (holy shit Bones is getting around in this universe), some blink and you'll miss it Chekov/Jim and Carol Marcus/Spock
Rating: R for sexual references, swearing, and dead hooker jokes
Beta/General advice: [livejournal.com profile] maypirate
Summary: A normal day in the life for top STRFLT secret agent James Kirk, codenamed Duchess. Now if only he could get his ex-lover away from his dull new boyfriend...
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Trek characters or anything from Archer. Nothing, nada, zilch, zip, zero.
Notes: Right, so I’ve been saying I would do this for a while now. Like…since this show came out a while. So um…2010? Ish? Yeah.

For those of you not in the know, Archer is a spy comedy on F/X. It’s about a secret agent named Sterling Archer, who works for the agency ISIS under his mother, Malory Archer. Archer (as Sterling is referred to by most of the other characters) works with a variety of interesting people in the office. In addition to international intrigue, he must deal with things like balancing his expense account and working closely with his ex, Lana Kane, and maybe there’s still some sexual tension there.

Also the humor is blue as SHIT. Seriously, if this seems way more offensive/dirty than the things I usually write, well…it’s the show. Some of the jokes are going to be taken directly from it. Also for the sake of an explanation, Pam is constantly made fun of for being ugly and fat. Hence all the jokes made at Hikaru’s expense. If it seems mean, well…it kind of is.

Like this is one of those shows that is totally not politically correct. At all. Beyond not politically correct. It wouldn’t be in the spirit of the show to do otherwise. Some of the jokes are lifted from the show proper because it’s one of those things where there was simply no way I could come up with something funnier. (Like the O. Henry/Alanis Morissette joke.)

So obviously, Jim is Sterling Archer and Winona is Malory. Bones, not Nyota, is Lana. (Nyota gets to be Gillette so she can be the only sane person that works at the agency. Trust me, it’s better this way.)

Anyways, I hope you find it funny. If you guys like it, I’ll do more of these.


Read more... )

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